Over Eggs and Toast
by Kataoi
Summary: -MST3K- Mike's attempts to share a dream he had are spoiled by the misunderstandings and ignorance of his robot pals.


On Sunday mornings, it was an agreed upon tradition that Mike would make the rest of the crew breakfast. It was nothing very elaborate – the ingredients lying around wouldn't suffice for much anyway – but he made due and was able to make the day's first meal special. Perhaps it was a way of consoling themselves from the movie-watching experiment that occurred the day previous, but whatever it was, it sure was good.

Today's menu was eggs, bacon, and toast, a favorite around the Satellite. Gypsy and Tom liked theirs scrambled, Crow's sunny-side up, and Mike over-easy. Cambot would quietly nibble on toast and observe the conversation that happened around him, throwing in the occasional beep or whir as his opinion.

"I had a dream last night…" Mike wistfully spoke out loud as he blended five eggs and a splash of milk in a bowl. Crow and Tom were at the table, reading a newspaper that had been torn apart for its various sections.

"Oh really," Crow replied drably, turning the page. "Dooo tell."

"I dunno if I should, I mean, I don't know if you guys would _understand_ it…"

"What's there not to understand?" Tom asked, only slightly interested. "You're a human male who's about as dopey as they come."

"There was a girl."

"…So you're a horny human male, what about it?"

"Nono, it wasn't anything like that, I swear." Mike proceeded to carefully pour the contents of the bowl into a frying pan on the stove, which was prepped with melted butter. "It was so 1950s, you know?"

"In other words, the movies are starting to affect your brain."

"Passively, maybe. If anything, they're getting me in my dreams but they're not getting me in actual day-to-day functioning."

Crow's eyes rose, making him appear to be cocking his eyebrows (if he had any). "And how are you so sure about that?"

"Uh…uh?"

"We'll have to administer a test." The gold 'bot dropped the newspaper and ran out of the small kitchen area to the bridge. Mike looked at Tom, who shook his head, before Crow returned, a detective's hat perched on his lacrosse net, which had been reversed.

"Crow, what are you –"

"Now you listen here and you listen good!" Crow snapped, tilting the hat low. Tom groaned.

"You sound like the Penguin…" he grumbled, his memories of Zombie Nightmare becoming unrepressed.

"Quiet youuuu. Nooow…Nelson, was it?"

Knowing there was no way out of this, Mike sighed, stirring the contents of the frying pan as he did so. "Yes…"

"Nelllson. Hrrrn. So! This 'dream' you had, IF it can be even CALLED that –"

Mike dumped the contents of the frying pan onto two plates before grabbing a pair of eggs from the carton next to the stove. "That's nice. Listen Crow, do you want –"

"You should KNOW by now you what I like!"

"Just checking…"

"So this DREAM, what of it? What were the CONTENTS of said nighttime thoughts?"

"Eh well…" The blonde expertly cracked and separated the eggs at the same time, the yolks hitting the frying pan successively. "I had a girl and we were on a date –"

Tom snorted. "Hurr, that's good, you and a girl…"

"Yeah yeah, I know…So it was me and this girl, and we were taking a stroll on a nice little forest path that was next to a lake…the moon was full and there wasn't a cloud in the sky…"

"And then you got attacked by the Swamp Thing, right?"

"No…just…no."

"…What KIND of DREAM is THAT?" Crow demanded, whipping his hat off in anger. "No violence?! No unnecessary death?!" He paused before a horrified expression came over him. "Oh no – please don't tell me there was…"

"…A DANCE SCENE?!" the two 'bots chorused together in anguish. Flashbacks to Monster A-Go-Go, The Giant Gila Monster, Teenage Strangler, and The Creeping Terror came flooding back to them. Mike just chuckled as he slid the eggs from the frying pan onto another plate before grabbing three more from the carton.

"There wasn't…"

"So then…what DID you do?" Crow demanded, whipping back into character. "Whisper sweet NOTHINGS into her ear?"

"Maybe…"

"Eww!" the two again chorused. Their understanding of human relationships was sketchy at best, with Joel having taught them nothing and Mike certainly not ready to release such information. As far as they understood, the only way to woo a girl was to be a strong male lead who took over a situation that the female probably could've handled but suddenly could not in the presence of said male lead.

To them, relationships and true love happened during the scene change.

"This is why I don't tell you guys my dreams," Mike pointed out, waving the spatula he was using accusingly. "You guys just don't _get_ it." He sighed, carefully flipping over the eggs in the frying pan. "To be in love…to have someone who loves you back…It's different guys. It's…it's _different._"

"Sounds nasty," Crow snerked, giving up on his interrogation and taking off the hat. "And what I _still_ don't get is how you throw two of you together and get a baby! How does _that_ happen?"

He wasn't going to get even a vague answer until Parts: The Clonus Horror.

"Hey, you've been in love before," Mike said, scooping the eggs from the pan and onto the last waiting plate. "…Hasn't he Servo?"

"Huh? Oh, right right – Kim Catrall and Estelle Winwood…"

"Y-yeah, but – but those are unrequited!" Crow replied hastily. "How about _you,_ huh red boy? Madam Creepy Girl – _whose name we don't even know!_"

"She deserves better than Lyle Waggoner, okay?!"

"Guys guys guys," Mike rushed in, harnessing skills from his brief stint as a waiter and carrying over the four plates to the table. "C'mon. Look on the bright side – Tia Carrere?"

"Ah, right right," Tom replied with a satisfied jerk of the head. "There is always a bright spot on a soiled record, isn't there?"

"Sure is." The blonde turned to the doorway and shouted, "Hey Gypsy, Cambot, c'mon! Breakfast!"

A blue sphere suddenly rounded into view, buzzing excitedly as it saw the toast, gave Mike a quick nuzzle, and then hovered over to await permission to munch. Gypsy slithered in moments later, bouncing excitedly.

"Alrighty then…" Mike took his seat – next to Servo and Cambot – before hitting table with his fork. "Dig in!"

There were a few moments of silent scarfing before Crow remembered the conversation from before. "Hey so…what _did_ happen in your dream?"

Mike groaned, spearing one of the yolks and watching it ooze over his toast. "It was…nothing. Nothing happened."

"Tch, liar," Tom quipped, taking a sip from the small cup of coffee before him.

"Okay, see – fine. Fine. This is what happened." Mike himself took a large gulp from his coffee mug, taking a moment to pause and relish the java beans. "Me and this girl were walking by this lake…we get to a clearing and we stop…a-and apparently I had been hanging around with her for a while, 'cause she joked about a video game session we had with friends –"

"Wait wait, video games?" Crow choked out. "I thought you said this took place in the '50s!"

"I said it was_ like_ the '50s – you know, very innocent and peaceful."

"Whatever, I still claim false advertising."

Mike groaned, shaking his head. "Fine, claim away. So we were talking and laughing about that and then we…then we uh…uhm…"

There was silence as the blonde fumbled in his words. Crow and Servo looked at each other before the gold 'bot decided to take the lead. "Oh…oh ew! Don't tell me you _kissed _her! Blech!"

A blissful little smile sprouted onto Mike's lips. "Haaa…yeah…"

"Blech! Bleeeh! Ew ew gross!"

Mike just grinned at the two whilst Cambot gave an approving whistle. Gypsy, then, decided to ask another question.

"What did she look like?"

"…Uh. Well she…she was short."

"Well," Tom snapped, apparently over his nausea-fest, "You're a big lumbering dope, so that's not surprising."

"She wasn't _that_ short, but she was definitely a petite…a real cutie…she had really short brown hair that curled around her face, big brown eyes…" He sighed, resting his head on his hand. "She was somethin' else…"

"…You know who that sounds like?"

"N…no…who…?"

"Nu-vee-naaaa!" Crow and Tom sang out mockingly. Mike slammed his head down on the table.

"Someone out there hates me, I just know it," he sobbed.


End file.
